Despite centuries of “progress”, humanity still has the idea that shame and guilt should define the boundaries of pleasure.
I know, that’s a heck of an opening statement to make, but, as a sexologist I see the effects of this mindset all the time. Certain acts, both sexual and sensual are entirely taboo. And despite our societal mindset changing on certain aspects of the topic it seems that we all largely uphold these beliefs. And thus, the stigma continues.
In today’s article we are going to explore how some of the most common sexual taboos came to be shaped by things like history, culture and religion. We will look at the sociological and psychological impacts of these unwritten rules and discuss ways in which these taboos are being challenged and why (in my professional opinion) that’s a very good thing
Defining Sexual Taboos
So just what is a taboo? In short, it is an imposed belief that defines what behaviour is acceptable within a society. Taboos appear everywhere in modern day life, and not just about sexual behaviours either. Sometimes a taboo is just a thing you avoid doing without conscious thought such as queue-jumping or staring at someone. Sometimes, taboos are formed based on the need for cultural survival. We see this in many of the taboos surrounding incest and interfamilial marriage.
Taboos form for a variety of reasons. Sometimes a taboo forms because of a specific societal need such as safety. We see this in many of the taboos around eating certain animals. While it may be perfectly safe now, it was not always so, and thus the taboo was formed. Another common cause of the formation of a taboo is power dynamics. We see this in many of the beliefs and standards that formed in the early colonial period and still exist today. Interestingly, many of these colonial taboos are sexual in nature.
Taboos are widely varied and highly specific to the culture they come from. For example, in certain areas, polyandry (the practice of a woman having multiple husbands) is accepted, though rare. In many other places around the world this would be, to say the least, highly controversial. Another example is public displays of affection. While prized and accepted in many countries, there is a portion of the world in which such displays are considered deeply shameful.
We also cannot underestimate the influence of religion on the formation of taboos, especially sexual ones. Religion is something that holds deep significance to a large portion of the population. Because of this, religion has had an undue influence on the formation of taboos throughout history. This influence is something that is very hard to change and plays a huge role in the taboos different cultures hold.
Common Sexual Taboos
Now that we have had a look at how they are form, let’s look at some of the sexual taboos that are most prevalent in today’s society and the ways in which Tantra can help those living in the shadow of one of these unspoken rules.
When I think of sexual taboos, the list that comes up in my mind read a little something like this: polyamory/open sexual relationships, sexual/pornography addiction, religious prohibitions, sexual orientation, gender identity, BDSM, and fetishism. All of these have one thing in common: the backlash when people find out is immediate, fierce, and extremely deleterious to one’s health, self image and confidence.
If you look at this list, it becomes clear that there are a wide variety of behaviours that society considers to be inappropriate, but it should also be clear that there is a more general rule in place. That rule of course, is shame. Throughout history is has become more and more ingrained in our culture and societal mindset to be disapproving of sex, sexuality and sexual (or gender) expression when it varies from the narrow confines of that which society deems acceptable.
In truth variant sexual behaviour is not only commonplace, but healthy. It is a natural form of exploring ourselves and can teach us much about who we are and what we like. That exploration can be used as a vehicle to guide us to happier, more fulfilled lives both in the bedroom and in the world at large.
One of the things I love about Tantra is that it can work with and for many situations. It is also something that is fluid and focused on helping us deepen our understanding of ourselves and our experience. Tantra can help us to reframe our beliefs and escape from our own taboos into a world of our own imagination and liberation. Tantra is a tool, one which can be used to examine, understand and eventually lift the shame and guilt these sexual taboos and other taboos can cause.
The Implications of Sexual Taboos
I think perhaps the clearest example of the tremendous weight of living a lifestyle that is considered to be going against a sexual taboo can be seen when we look at the 2SLGBTQIA+ communities history. For decades this community has lived under an onslaught of scrutiny and constant attacks. As a result the LGBT community has a suicide rate between 5-7 times higher than that of the rest of the population. Additionally, this community has far above average rates of homelessness, unemployment, addiction and familial separation, to name a few.
When we look at this example we can see the shocking power of the taboo in action. Simply going against one of these unwritten beliefs can cause tremendous psychological and social damage. And yet millions around the globe still chose the freedom of living their own lives, despite the cost. This should tell you something as well.
No matter the stigma you are challenging, living a life that defies societal expectations has a cost. This is because taboos are often about maintaining what the majority group determines is best for the group. But is goes much deeper than that. At their core, taboos and stigmas, especially sexual ones, are about maintaining a societal hierarchy. While not a conscious operation, by enforcing conformity in our sexual behaviours, those in positions of power are able to identify those who would challenge the status quo. By weaponizing these deeply ingrained taboos of sex, those at the top of the hierarchy can ensure those who have shown they are willing to challenge are ostracized and thus not a threat to the established way of things.
As seen in the example I mentioned above, defying a taboo can have serious consequences. The impact on one’s mental health cannot be overstated. From the base emotions of shame, fear, and guilt to the reaction of members of your social group, living a life outside of societal norms is, in a word, fraught. And this is not the end of it as societal disapproval can have further impacts to work, education opportunities, housing and much more. All of this adds up, and it takes a heavy toll.
Addressing Sexual Taboos
In a world filled with these unwritten “no fly zones” there is a looming question. How, exactly, do we address that which is unspoken? How do we challenge and overhaul a system of beliefs and conduct that no longer fits our modern world?
There are no clear-cut answers to these questions, but as we have watched the rise of sexual liberation movements over the decades, we have seen that the key to all of this is communication. Whether it be the role of media outlets and the internet spreading information about different taboo subjects, or the now widely available access to global connectivity that allows us to connect and interact with people of like mind, it is clear that the ability communicate is the common factor in every challenge.
With the rise of online dating, apps tailored to specific preferences and lifestyles, and video platforms like YouTube hosting millions of hours of content on sexual lifestyles different from our own, it has never been easier for us as a society to spread the word along about our differing sexual preferences. More and more we see new groups popping up offering support to others of like mind, therapists and other professionals who specialize in sex and sexuality are able to reach patients from across the globe who need their services.
Fighting the unseen is hard, and it has tremendous impacts on the mental and physical health of anyone who dares mount a challenge, but the liberation movements we have seen rising do not seem to be slowing down. Rather, they are becoming more and more organized, connecting to one another and sharing information that can help in the fight for true liberation.
While these taboos still exist, they lose power every day in the face of this overwhelming storm of connectivity, and slowly, we as a society inch closer to crawling out from under their shadow.
Curious to learn more about sexual taboos and their implications? Join me at the Taboo: Everything To Do With Sex Show in Toronto Canada October 18 – 20th! Check out https://tabooshow.com/toronto for more information or to buy tickets!
Comments